Where's the Reason?

There have been lots of different oppositional responses to the President's call for new gun measures, and the one that seems to jump out as having some merit is based on the assertion that we already have enough gun laws, they just need to be enforced.  When you couple that with the hard and absolutely true fact that the "law-abiding gun owners" are not the problem (no generality is perfect), its not that hard to understand some of the oppositon to additional measures.  Or is it?

Some years ago, an amendment to a rather insignificant federal spending bill became law.  The amendment is called the "Tiarht Amendment" after its "author" and sponsor, Rep. Todd Tiarht (R-KS).  Apparently the wording of this amendment was reviewed and blessed by the NRA ("reviewed and blessed" in this case can probably be read as "written by").  For extensive details and dates around this little amendment, click HERE.

Among the effects of the Tiarht Amendment is the requirement that all successful firearms background checks be destroyed within 24 hours, making a review for mistakes impossible, and eliminating the identification of unscupulous gun dealers.  The amendment also bars the ATF from requiring inventories by licensed gun dealers, and bars law enforcement from tracing guns beyond a single, specific case.  Enforcement by the ATF is pretty much blocked.

So what gun controls do we already have that we can enforce?  Study the following list of various crimes under New Jersey law, there will be a test.

Applies To	Crime	Degree of Crime
Stun Gun	Possession	4
Dum Dum bullets	Possession	4
Hollow Point bullets	Possession	4
Defaced Firearm	Possession	4
Silencer	Possession	4
Imitation Firearm	Possession	4
Firearms	Possession by a convict or person commited to a Mental Health Instution	4
Destructive Devices	Possession	3
Sawed off Shotgun	Possession	3
BB or Pellet Gun	Possession without Permit	3
Rifle or Shotgun	Possession without a Firearms Purchaser ID card	3
Loaded Rifle or Shotgun	Possession except when otherwise permitted	3
Firearms	False information on an application	3
Any Firearm	Possession for Unlawful Purpose	2
Firearm	Possession with a Controlled Susbtance Violation	2
Machine Gun	Possession	2
Handgun	Possession without Permit	2
Assault weapon	Possession of operable unlicensed or operable unregistered	2

Right up front, let's acknowledge that this is far from a complete list, but I didn't rig it in any way.  There are exceptions, exclusions and mitigating factors that apply in most of the crimes in the table.  I am not a lawyer, so I can't guarantee that I haven't overlooked or oversimplified anything.  For blog purposes, all of it is close enough, since there's been no intentionally made errors or attempts to deceive.

There are four degrees of crimes, then there's disorderly persons and misdemeanors.  There are sentencing guidelines for the four degrees and all I want to draw your attention to revolves around those four degrees.  NJ Sentencing Guidelines allow that for 3rd and 4th degree crimes, a judge may choose to impose no prison time for a first offender.  No weapons-related crime is a 1st degree crime, but if there was one, it would call for a prison term of not more than 20 years.  We'll come back to that.

In round numbers, there are 30,000 gun deaths every year in the US.  About 17,000 of those are suicides, about which I won't speculate as to whether legal or illegal guns are used.  Its probably fair to assume that the overwhelming majority of the remaining 13,000 involve illegal guns since we all know that by definition, "law-abiding" citizens don't cause gun deaths (generality).  Please note as well that mass shootings account for a tiny fraction of the 13,000.

Of the major points in the President's proposals, only the background check provisions have any potential to reduce the number of illegal guns, unless of course some additional types of guns become illegal.  So what can we do apart from going back up and clicking the link to the Tiarht Amendment Google search page and making clucking noises as we read.  We can start with fixing the damage Tiarht did and then...

Change the crime degrees of all of the offenses in the table, making them all more serious crimes.  If we want the crime to stop, put the criminals in jail for some real time - no more slaps on the wrist.  Give the public an amnesty period after we change the severity, where they can turn in illegal weapons without penalty and/or get a reward for information leading to the confiscation of illegal guns.  Somehow though, I expect the gun lobby would twist such an idea into an attack on the 2nd amendment rights of "law-abiding" citizens.

And of course this idea would cost money.  Money is the great motivator in everything that happens or doesn't happen in our country.  Think of all the lost, unreported income from illegal gun sales.

Ok, now comes the test I promised.  You may want to review the table again.

Q.  Why is possession of a BB gun without a permit a more serious crime than possession of cop-killer bullets or a defaced gun?  Explain, give examples.

Soon to be As Seen on TV

Caution:  The following post may contain material too graphic for young children who don’t need to know that dogs poop.

Throughout the course of history, many great men have gone under the radar, in particular in the times before radar was invented, which brings me directly to the point right here in the very first sentence, inventions.  But before I stay on point, a few things need to be said.

Behind all of these great men, to which I referred in the first paragraph, was a woman.  Not necessarily a great woman, although most of them are (right dear?), but rather a woman who had that expression on her face, the one that’s a cross between pity and disgust.  Most men know this expression well, having seen it nearly every time they select clothes to wear, or breathe.  Some men misinterpret this look as simply a “what a doofus” signal, and then give the shirt thing another shot.  I would suggest that those men take another look at Alice Kramden.

And another thing: Inventing doesn’t come easy, and minor details often get overlooked.  Sometimes a brilliant idea is underappreciated and the inventor never sees the recognition he deserves in his lifetime.  I cite as examples: 1) the guy who invented the speed bump and 2) the inventor of that little box and chain thingy you have to put a quarter into so you can shop in a supermarket.  They both overlooked the same minor detail – people will hate it.

So what have we learned?  Actually not very much at all, so now would be a good time to get the kiddies out of the room because I’m about to describe my most brilliant invention to date (although tomorrow is another day).

When inventing, which is usually while you’re waiting for something else to happen, the first thing to consider is “What problem am I trying to solve?”  I’ve given this first step a lot of thought, nearly forty minutes actually, and here’s the problem – dogs poop.  Most people prefer that this “event” occur outside, on someone else’s property, during an eclipse so nobody notices.  Unfortunately eclipses are rare, and neighbors have a nasty habit of noticing crap (double entendre), so you have to clean it up, which implies by implication, that you must be present for this “event”.  It might be dark (preferable), or raining, or cold, or during a rerun of “The Honeymooners” (don’t forget to look at Alice with your new eyes).  Wouldn’t it be great if the dog could attend these “events” alone?  By the way, it became safe to let the kiddies back in the room four sentences back (now five).

Unfortunately, unless you live alone on an island with said dog, you can’t just let him/her/it out without a) a leash and b) you on the other end of the leash.  And so I offer my invention (which I believe is now protected by copyright at least, since I’m describing it in a post I’ve written myself on my personal blog which you can’t even legally quote from without the express written consent of Major League Baseball) for your consideration, crowdsourcing and pre-ordering.  Editors Note: that last part after the “)” goes with the first part that appears before the “(“ and can be found several lines back.  You may continue when ready…

It’s this bubble thingy which keeps the dumping dog dry and levitates about an inch above ground by means of several hair dryers that had their heating elements removed (you can buy a heated version if your animal is special and might get cold, which leaves the heating element in one of the dryers (nested parenthetical goes here – if you need the heated version, you might also want the one with rhinestones, available at no additional cost, just pay separate shipping and handling) and even one that dispenses dog treats) (end of parentheticals – actually this is one, too).

I know what you’re saying, or at least I can tell that your lips are moving right about now.  This bubble thingy (working name – “iEvent”) has many indispensable features that address all of your concerns – I’ve thought of everything!  Here’s a partial list:

·         Electronic leash that can keep the whole thing from chasing cars, other dogs etc. and automatically makes the unit return to the docking station.

·         Docking Station.

·         Air sensors that detect “events”.

·         Powerful Lasers that in response to and Air sensor alert, completely obliterate the (kiddies out) poop. (kiddies back)

·         Optional mister that dispenses our patent eligible “Eau de Wet Dog” upon docking (similar function to pine scented candles that you use because you have an artificial tree).

·         Two-color shipping box, suitable for framing.

I admit there are a few minor wrinkles to be ironed out (The preliminary stages of inventing an invention wrinkle remover have just begun).  I’m going to need about $5 million to see this through to production, Lasers are expensive.

Sometimes my dear wife gets that look, too.  I say the “Chef of the Future” was ahead of his time (not a double entendre).